just something about me.

I not only rap these days but i also sing i make songs about us and stuff its complicated but i mostly just sing about things about us like everything idk just things i dont remember every line i say but i sing it and i like it. i love it and i hope to myself that i’ll make one nice song for you and that it would be a song i would long and sing forever even when i get old and gray haired. damn i dont wanna have gray hairs lol oh well i have to age lol. ;laksjd;lkfjas;ldkjfa;lskdjf;alskdjfkzxcv,mn;epqoiweurlkajf;lkajsd,mnzcvzlxkcvm.m,mdflasjdf. miss you baby love you muah muah muah i would make love to you for days non-stop cuz ur beauty and touch are amazing in every way possible to me making me crave you so bad. i’ll make every second of us together last. i would make every send of us worth while. ok damn im tired of pressing the space bar lol. 

stupid me…..

so im here to speak my mind again and i just needed something to realease this sadness i got stuck in me. idk where to start but i just need a really good cry to realease me again to release this i need something to make me feel like crying because my heart can’t stay sad and nothing be done that’s just how I feel and yea it mite sounds dumb but i need a tear here and there my everything just feels horrible lets just put it like that. I want to cry in your arms so you can hold me and tell me you love me and thats all regardless of all the wrong I’ve done i want to just.. idk. help me. thats all i ask. I truly need help with myself. I need someone to sit and care for me and not judge me for all the things ive done wrong and doing wrong with my life just hear me out and comfort me. i want your loving care and everything back i feel like i need it now more than ever because i cant stand life as it is right now. I know I may not have been good before but i will be good now. make everyone happy and everything. I want sweet words to something to just lighten up my dark days that i have. smh. something to just make my heart skip a beat and fall deeply in love with you. even tho I’m already in love i want that care like babe everything is gonna be ok cause you have me or a stop feeling like that love you have me or something to let me know everything is ok because i’ll be here all the way for you or just a big long heart warming hug that would never end. i want to feel your touch again. sex is not all i want. the only reason i get mad because you pick on it and i already feel dumb about it and i do feel stupid and i want u to understand that i have urges too but not to just fuck anything in my way but to just have you and want you ONLY. i cant stress only you enough because i need someone to just care for me. I’m so sad these past days i really need someone there not someone to get mad at me anymore i have enough of that. i have enough of Bill your fucking stupid. My self esteem is at its lowest and if all you can do is put me down for my wrongs then i dont want to live. i dont want to live to see that everybody i know looks down on me like a big ass idiot or anything i hate myself. i cant stress that enough either. i cant breathe with everything putting this invisible hate force on me. I need some caring love now regardless of my wrongs. FUCK now i truly hate my fucking life! damn it! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh fuck my fucking life!!!!!!!! damn i want to just sit in a box filled with everything that cares for me the most then maybe i’ll be happy. idk nvm that cause maybe the box might just be empty and I’ll be stuck feeling alone and horrible i guess it dont fucking matter what i do I’ll always have to deal with this alone. I am just a big bother to everyone and everything. smfh. i cant take this. i feel sooo fucking sad. man i really wish you would sit thru my anger and see it as my hate for you but see it as my hate for myself for not letting my own anger go on myself and not beating myself to death because I’m not strong enough to hurt myself but I’m strong enough to hurt myself mentally and emotionally destroying my mind and heart into bits hating everything that doesnt say anything nice about or to me. i hate everything now damn. why cant life be as simple as its ok for doing that its ok its ok its ok. I just need to know I’m ok as being what I am but can still stop me from doing the wrong things. hold me back please put me on lock force me tostop everything I’m doing and love you take my fun everything make me feel nothing but outrageous want for your voice your touch your everything make me miss it make me want you bad. Dont put me down for the things i cant do now or put me down for the things i do wrong just tell me make me not do the wrong thing or idk. woke up from my nap cuz i felt too shitty fuck i cant even sleep good anymore i sleep late and wake early lay in bed forcing myself to sleep but cant i cant do shit fuck i’m soo stuck like this make me feel good for being like this make me feel like im not stuck but in the right position to make a change for myself. i just need someone to make me feel good about myself. you have my heart like i said now i want u to treat it well and care for it i swear you wont hurt urself as long as you dont hurt my feelings or hate me soo much for my stupidity. I know some of the things i say are stupid and the reasons i get mad are stupid but the things i do are never to be against how u feel its only for me to stop feeling so crappy all the time and i feel like you dont want me to feel good at all at this point but to make yourself feel good and thats good too but all i want is to feel good too. god please help me. now that i think about it i think god is only a thing to believe that there is hope so that every human being can talk to themselves and feel good about their conscience and just release whats on their mind. i want to feel good again baby make me feel that way cuz i truly need it i cant keep feeling like crying my heart out. idc how pathetic i sound or anything i have no pride anymore i only have what i got now and i truly am not about to lose you then I’ll have nothing but a bunch of people who hate me and im not looking so i wont have anybody new or shit i dont need more people in my life just the same people to look at me as an ok person. i hate myself fuck my life. make me feel good about the life im living and make me wanna make a big difference make everyday im livng a bright and sunshiny day. lighten this sad heart up. i mite have this smile up and my reaction to everything my sound joyous but its only because at the moment i got some light shining but till then all i am surrounded by is darkness and shit. i hate that i cant have a happy person with me a happy person to care and want to make me happy for living and love everyday. i want every ounce of your love to make me feel like i worked hard enough and then maybe i’ll feel like keep on working for something keep going me that push to make a change in a good way not in a downing way. raise my spirits up. i truly miss you and love you so much. i wish when i’m upset you could kiss me and tell me im dumb then i would feel your love instead of a repeating your stupid dumb i hate you asshole dumb ass… etc. my life is as horrible as it is so make it worth while for me cause i did come back and want you so badly. take it easy on me love I’ll do anything to make you feel better anything to make those tears stop and anything to just keep your loving caring self with me. im sad. :”””’( i dont know what to do so guide me. i need some guidance from someone that knows me and wants to know more and is working for it to make me feel better and everything. i want a happy cry not a sad cry. 


well idk but i think its about time to really let shit happen. I’ve accepted everything that happened now so i can deal with what happens next. i wont bother you anymore. I’m not mad, I’m just tired and not chasing anymore. I’m simply backing off now. There’s nothing for me here anymore and i dont want to feel so broken hearted anymore so I’m doing this for me. I guess you can say im selfish but it’s just too easy for you. It’s unfair to me so I rather come back like a stupid idiot that I am because I miss you soo much. smh i hate that line and the other three words. time to stop focusing on you and focus on myself, your too time consuming even though i do shit. i cant have you doing this to me. The feeling is dead and gone. where to go from here, idk but i’ll find something out like you can. I’ll make everything I do easy too no thoughts just act on a stupid mind. smh here goes nothing. :’(

just me…

so it is just me i think trying to hard or just putting in too much wanting everything now to be ok but just getting upset at dumb things. so i’ll stop this stupid shit im doing. just know that every feeling we had before will never be the same again. smh. i guess thats just what happens. 


It’s so easy to you i feel like dying. no i feel like putting a knife thru my heart. no i feel like drown in an ocean of knives. more like jus rewind time and make sure my spirit isnt alive anymore becuz this pain is to heart wrecking. lord strike me down with all the force u have. kill me so i can no longer know what pain is. or am i making it too complex maybe you need to do something a little more idk. simple. 

damn it tumblr jus lemme write again.

you dont understand how hard it is to drop wut u did even tho u werent with me it still hurt like a bullet straight to my heart. even though u had every right which i understand you did but still it hurt me more than anything else in this entire world and knowing that i cant put all my trust but i cant hold u back either. stop thinking i dont understand and putting me down i do understand most things. we will never be again. smh. read and weep. bye.

fuck this stupid tumblr shit too!

Now i see what i write fuck what i fuckin write i dont fuckin need this stupid ass fuckin piece of shit to release my thoughts or anything anymore I just  need me and my mind. Man. just fuck my fucking life i cant live like this fuck i dont give a fuckin shit no more wutever the fuck you want to do you fuckin do it fuck this fuckin shit. Fuck i hate my fuckin life. I dont need this gay ass fuckin tumblr for shit. peace. 

Fuck this!

yes i love you but fuck you i cant do this now that you are single and jus “want” to talk you are taking advantage of everything i am willing to give to you. i cant stand this i will now let this go i kno that i wont be the one to stick around while you do everything fun that you “want” to do. Man. how about. Fuck this! 

The Dream….. :’(

This feeling of miss for you i have for you rite now is soo fucking realy damn I hate this dream i had it jus killed me inside again making me miss you like you are never coming back again damn i want you so bad right now damn I’m so fucking sad fuck my life my dream was very real to me because it wont be the first time feeling like it man damn it’s like you came back to me and you just easily left me without a simple goodbye no love from you like damn you’re ok without me and i guess thats how i truly feel right now because you are so comfortable without me damn I feel like I could cry right now without you with me fuck my fucking life. I woke up feeling like crying my heart out damn I even cried so much in my dreams fuck I miss you soo much I need you back so bad damn fuck my life I miss you. I need your love right now god damn why such a horrible dream. I can’t lose you again I need you so bad fuck this feeling kills me so bad I never knew I could feel so broken again damn. I can’t lose you cause if i do i dont think i can make it in this horrible world god damn. my dream was me just chilling at home with robert and april was home too and you came to my crib and we was sort of chilling and you wanted to use my phone to text stryder and somebody else and I was like what the fuck?! I got mad and went to bed in my room and oh yea i found out when we were in my parents room laying in bed with you. damn i went back to my bed and then came back to you because i missed you soo much and we went to chill on the couch and you leaned on me a bit and then I dont know what happened because I went to my room because the feelilng between us wasn’t anything close to love I dont know because it seemed like you were so far away from me but so close. I really need you right now. Then anyways i went to my bed again then i napped waking up to love song by dumbfoundead and then i see two of my cousins rapping to it and another guy then when it was done I ran to my parents room and you weren’t in there and the couch with a blanket we were in and you weren’t there and then damn I was like what the fuck I get no fucking goodbye!! Damn then I was so mad but i was also so fucking heart broken that I just wanted to cry then i wake up like fuck!! It felt too real baby please I will do anything on this entire earth for you damn i dont know if i can even make it without you anymore. I sat there like how could you just leave me damn soo heart broken I felt like dying damn. I need you right now please I feel like i need you to sleep with me from now on. I dont want to take it slow I dont even know what taking it slow is right now damn I need you quick and love me soooooo much just need your loving at this very moment I am so terrified I fear that soo much right now damn. I cant even deal without you in my dream fuck that I love you too much i cant survive this world without you. Love you cry baby. *muah muah muah…. etc

Damn it!!!!

I need you rite now!! I would so wake you up right now if you werent such a lil cwy baby lol jk but i would cuz i cant sleep for shit but Ima go and try now so ok :D EATIN DIRT NOW! be happy damn it! >:O